Welcome to my mind o_O

Life's soundtrack

2012-01-28T14:12:00.004+10:00

i've probably written about this before but i wonder what sort of music would play for daily life.

If i had a theme song what would it be? I'm not talking about stuff which has been already written by current artists but more like how some movies have songs which are uniquely composed for that movie.

I think some of the greatest Background music pieces would have to be from movies like Forest Gump with the piano piece or Lord of the Rings with the massive brass and drums.

I like how in movies and games you can sorta tell what's going to happen simply cos of the music hahaha. You know that something bad is going to happen when you hear high pitched strings etc. etc.

And speaking of that, i find i get more scared playing a horror zombie game when i have the sound 'on' but if i turn it 'off' i'm absoloutly fine. So really i guess the sound does feature a lot in the whole atmosphere of things which makes sense.

Anyway that's it :)

oh, the answer to the riddle below is "eyelids"

bored?

2012-01-27T13:41:00.003+10:00

Bored? maybe try and solve this :)

In a split second i can change night to day and day to night...what am I?

2012

2011-12-31T23:32:00.002+10:00

hmmm,

write write write, sing sing sing, draw draw draw.

I want to create so many things but it doesn't seem to be as i imagined it.

The figure in my head is nothing like that on paper.

The song i sing doesn't sound half as good

and the idea development of stories is hard.

I don't want to be like everyone else. I want my songs to have its own style. I want to sing of different things in a catchy relaxed way...simple and powerful.

simple and powerful, simple and powerful, simple and powerful....

Heavenly Father, forgive me of my sins. I need you to guide me. Teach me how to create songs that are simple and powerful. Teach em how to write simple and powerful things, teach me how to create an image to impact...all of these so that everybody can understand, but powerful enough to impact their lives. I don't want to follow everybody else, there has got to be a groove and rhythm unique to me.

House sitting

2011-12-11T23:38:00.004+10:00

Hmmm

so right now i'm helping to house sit my sister's place. Fun Fun but also a bit lonely in the house by myself.

I used to think that it'd be alright to live by myself but i guess not. Music helps a lot, just having something playing in the background sorta fills up silence :)

Even though i say that it feels lonely it's not like i'm fully depressed or anything hahaha

Just that one of my concepts have changed that's all

On the flip side, i've found that since i'm away from my usual forms of entertainment i suddenly have all this..."Free Time"

which is weird cos i now know exactly how much time i waste. So all in all this environment is conduice towards creativity. I find time to pray, time to sing, time to think etc. all good stuff which actually helps you in life rather than have a level 32 character or watching through the latest drama hahaha

My sister's plants are doing ok...i think...they seem healthy enough hahaha

anyway that's it :)

Bye

little red apple

2011-12-09T10:51:00.003+10:00

Little red apple sitting on my desk
I shall save you for later when i have a rest
Of all the fruits that I adore
it's you red apple that i want more

Litle red apple, filled with vitamins
you help make healthy muscle
giving gas for kreatin

Little red apple
i'm running out of words
my poem sounds funny
but that's ok, it works :)

A Cloud in a box

2011-12-06T13:18:00.004+10:00

Hmmm

Hmmmmmmm

Hmmmmmmmmmmm

"freddie what are you Hmm'ing about?"

"Sven...Life is like a cloud in a box"

"...what?"

"well...maybe not life in itself, but more like the things that we buy and have...y'know...'stuff'"

"...ok...where is this going?"

"Ok, well in our life time we buy a lot of things yeah? we'll get a car, computer, we'll spend
money on clothes and phones but when we finally die what's going to happen?"

"ohhh...i see where you're getting at...the whole cosmic transience of life and how ultimately our earthly possesions will fade away, passed onto the next generation where it shall inevitably be reduced to the dust from whence it came, thus illustrating the futility of our own personal gain resulting in your metaphor of trying to trap a cloud in a box"

"...Yeah..."

"dunno, guess i'll think of it at a later date"

Matthew 6:19-21

19“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. 20But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. 21For where your
treasure is, there your heart will be also.

Hmmmmm

2011-12-05T14:54:00.003+10:00

Should I?...Shouldn't I??

could I??....maybe I shouldn't....

mmm

Should i open a youtube account and post videos?

that's something which i've been wondering.

The biggest concern is whether i could keep it as a hobby and keep it on the side as i focus on God's work....

Hmmmmmmmmmmmm.......

Friday...

2011-12-02T09:56:00.001+10:00

Hectic day...and it just started...

Neglected update

2011-12-01T16:41:00.003+10:00

Sooo it's been ages since I last blogged or gave any update on short stories.

Christmas is coming and i'll be happy when all the events are done, i'm quite happy to cruise along into next year hahaha

So updates:

I've been working out a fair bit with a personal trainer. I've noticed some changes, so actually hiring someone to work with you on how to improve your body is good hahaha.

15th of December will be the day when i find out if i go back to uni or not. Either way i'm fine, if i don't get in i will continue to work at church. If i do get in then i will go study. Either way is fine.

Song writing is hard lately, mainly because i'm so mentally spent after each day and i just want to turn to mush. Usually I need a whole day by myself with nobody talking to me...basically solitary confinement. Give me a day with no one to ask me anything or to go out anywhere and i'm totally fine.

I super want to go on a holiday but no monies :(

In truth i am an avoider at heart. If i don't like something i tend to...well avoid it. Either I don't talk about it, brush it off or just accept it.

There are many other things which i'd like to share but I don't think it'd be too good hahaha.

A friend of mine lost her father today. She is a sensitive person who tries her best in all things and it's good she has her mister and other friends around her. The father is a Christian so on that front I'm not really worried, but at the same time I do feel for her loss.

Oh well

That's it.

Mr. Immune System

2011-10-19T12:54:00.003+10:00

Mr. Immune System

I am writing you this formal letter to inquire the reasons for your unreasonable actions.

It has come to my attention that you are applying your energies into areas which are both unnecessary and harmful to the rest of the body.

Those attacked who shall now be referred to as "the victims" include the right eye, the left knee, the cervical spinal bones (neck) and lower back.

If you continue upon this unreasonable path I shall bring you before the Grand Overseeing District (G.O.D) and I doubt you want that to happen.

So i'm giving you one last chance to mend your self destructive ways and desist from these "extra curricular activities"

Yours Sincerely,

Ben.

Steward and Caretaker

The Little Robot Pt. 1

2011-10-08T12:26:00.003+10:00

Hi Everyone,

So if you haven't noticed the previous post about this little short story has been missing from my blog for quite a while (which means you probably didn't notice hahaha) but that means I've been working on it :)

so here is the first part, still some more to go but mainly brushed up the first section and added in a new direction.

Enjoy! Give Feedback!

--------------------------------------------------------------

The feather floated lazily over the little town, brought in by the wind from a place far far away, gently carried on the wind it found itself weaving through the bustling market and down the little alley where it slipped ( A bit uncomfortably) underneath the door of a graying workshop.

The graying workshop was something of a mystery within the little town. Light had not shone within its walls for quite some time, abandoned and lifeless, the feather floated serenely through the place where even spiders had given up their homes.

The feather passed by shelves after shelves of old trinkets and toys, knick-knacks and what-not's, all lining the shelves of the workshop. Some were large, some small but all had lost their luster and finally somewhere, in a dingy little corner the feather came to rest on a little, tiny rusted figure and as if by some miracle, tiny little cogs hidden deep inside its small metallic chest began to turn.

As static gave way to life the little robot took in its unimpressive surroundings. Looking in a direction it assumed was 'down' it saw it had two legs and although shaky at first, the little robot began to explore the dull workshop.

"psst"

the little robot looked around in alarm, clutching the feather for safety.

"psst...over here"

The little robot was stunned...for some reason-

"HELLO! Anybody home?! I say, you sure do look dirty, when was the last time you washed? but never mind, never mind come this way we have a lot to do and so little time to do it in!"

With the feather floating away Mateo found himself being led by a hand that didn't look too unfamiliar from his. Indeed if Mateo were a little bit taller, had a bow tie and ...curly hair...he would be pretty much like this new found friend.

"S...si"

"Yes and we must be getting near"

"Si...Si"

"what? Si? Ohh! What a pleasant surprise! I didn't know you spoke Spanish! Truly sorry mi amigo, Como estas..."

"...n...no" said Mateo as he pointed to the robot's back

"what? what?"

The robot's struggles were quite comical as it attempted to look at his own back

"urghhh..urmmm! ohh~ how careless of me, I have totally forgotten to introduce myself"

With a smart step back and the taking off of his top hat the robot made a graceful bow and introduced himself

"my name, is Sicarius" Jumping straight back to attention the robot continued

"Yessiree! A grand name with 'S.I' as in 'Sigh' the wonderful exhalation of the breath! 'C.A.R', not like the type you drive in but said with much 'care'. Then you make the letter 'I' sound like an 'E' as in cheese and put it before 'US' and what do you get?! SICARIUS! At your service."

Mateo stared blankly

"what's the matter? Wind lost its chime? Silver lost its shine? Cat got your tongue? ahhhh....I see, you haven't figured it out yet have you? Well have a turn around there and give us a look see"

Before Mateo could do anything he found himself spun around where letters had been carved into his back.

"M-A-T-E-O, MUH! TAY! OH! Mateo! A grand name! Yes, and speaking of grandeur, let your eyes feast upon....THIS!"

Mateo faced "this" only to find a mouse hole covered by a discarded piece of wood.

"Now boy, don't be fooled by appearances! for this is not just any hole in the wall, but by stepping onwards, it will lead you to the greatest of wondrous encounters you could ever imagine!"

Sicarius' eyes locked with Mateo's as the little robot disbelievingly walked straight towards the pitch black opening.

"3...2..." and with the beat of the count and a tap of his foot, Sicarius opened up a trap door underneath a very shocked Mateo.

Letting out a silly little giggle Sicarius jumped straight after Mateo leaving not trace of their presence the graying dull workshop.

Attack of The Angry Inflamatory Eye Aliens!

2011-09-13T10:19:00.003+10:00

Wham! Blam! Kapow!

Explosions could be heard in the distance, this didn't matter since our child hero was like other children...stuck in front of a TV

"...Hahaha! Thanks Bob! Now following our riveting coverage of sport we now come to a small update on the entities dubbed as the Angry Inflammatory Eye Extra Terrestrials...or the AIEEE~! We are unfortunately losing and they are systematically inflaming people's eyes in a bid to take over your brains!...Have a nice day!"

"This cannot Continue" our boy hero thought to himself

"...someone should do something about this"

and then the AIEE~! burst in through his door and zapped his eyes with their inflammatory eye beams!

...The End :P

hahahaha, sorry guys this is just a silly little story of not much significance. Currently I have an inflamed Iris that's a co - condition to the arthritis. Basically what that means is that Aliens did NOT zap me with their eye beams but due to the Ankylosing SPondylitis (The arthritis in my body) it can cause inflammation of my eye.

I've only had something like this once before, around 10 years ago and i remember it was quite bad hahaha. I still had to go to uni lectures and i cursed myself for not having bought an awesome pair of sunglasses :P hahaha

I've gone to see the Opto...Optha..."Eye Specialist" and they've given me 2 different eye drops. The first has a wonderful white cap that screams "Sterility" a simple and clean, no mess, no fuss sorta eye drop which i'm instructed blast into my eye every hour. This one is a corticosteroid designed to...i dunno what but it's supposed to help :P

The other looks like a military rocket with a fancy red cap which says "I WILL DILATE YOU!" its function is to help reduce the pain i feel by dilating the iris (the part which is inflamed) and stop the painful muscular contractions that the iris is able to do to control light into the eye. Unfortunately that has the side effect of making the world appear very blurry...not that it mattered before since with the inflammation it looked pretty blurry anyway hahaha.

So yes, this is what's been happening. I've had the condition for 2 weeks now. Last week i started treatment since it got real bad and I've had a full week off work (yaaay~!) unfortunately with blurry vision it's not good to drive (boo~!) so that means I can't function socially with other people (yaaa-....i mean...Booo~! hahaha no seriously...boo~! yesssss...)

Oh, please don't be too disappointed with the level of story in this post. Being out of action from work has allowed me to slowly work on other things at home (cleaning my room is not one of them :P hahaha) but I am working on other stories/songs/creative geniosity that shall render the world speechless once its released...or at least you people :P hahaha

Bye!

Leave a comment!

Tell me how great I am!

Let me feel socially connected! hahahaha

songs songs songs :)

2011-08-09T12:26:00.002+10:00

Hey Everyone,

just thought that i'd share that i've been working on some some songs :) yaaay~ hopefully i can share it with you some time soon. I've already completed two (working on arrangements for them now) and i'm still working on another 3

Anyway that's all i wanted to say :)

Prophecy

2011-07-25T22:12:00.002+10:00

So i was thinking,

next year i'll most likely go back to study. I say 'Most Likely' because i still need to apply through QTAC and that application only opens in September.

I'm planning to apply for Creative Industries - Interactive Visual Design.

But i was thinking whether I have missed out on something.

Earlier this year Ps. John Jacks spoke certain words over me and more recently Ps. Jeremiah spoke other prophetic words over me too. They don't conflict but or anything like that but I wonder whether I'm being ushered into this different phase cos I didn't follow the prophetic words Ps. John Jacks gave.

Ps. John Jacks is coming again in August....I feel like I shouldn't be living my life trying to get a prophecy from every single prophet...but i guess it'd put me at ease to know what's going on...

Then again, even if God doesn't speak anything through Ps. John Jacks my response will just be to work hard at whatever i'm doing and do the best i can.

A Depressing Post

2011-07-21T09:01:00.001+10:00

i find that i'm using my blog for another depressing post hahaha.

blah blah blah

alright let's get back to it :)

Memory of the day :)

2011-07-13T13:21:00.003+10:00

So I like gaming :) I enjoy the satisfaction i get when i finally blow up the little pixelated bodies and complete the mission :)

One Sunday during my early days of church I said "bye jie! i'm going gaming!"

"what??? you can't do that!"

"...why not?"

"you just went to church! Holiness! You're not supposed to kill things"

"...bye :) "

Unhealthy

2011-05-18T23:08:00.002+10:00

The past two days have been marked by chocolate binging madness -_-

*sigh* so bad

my goal is to get fit by Synergy! around 20 wks from now!

"Confession"

2011-04-26T23:10:00.002+10:00

"So hey, found anybody that you like?"

"Nah...not really" "How bout you?"

"Nah me neither"

I had that little dialogue in my head as I was on my way home tonight. Just wondering what would happen if one of them had said "It's you".

No, I don't have anyone that I like -_-

Still being patient about it, but yeah just thinking about different pathways that people take, and the subject of love is always a popular one :) hahaha

I'm still working on my short stories for this blog. Taking a while since blogger reformatted my main one and it's a bit of a pain to try to make correct spacing etc.

But yes, hopefully i'll get it done soon :)

MORE CURSES!!!!!

2011-04-04T11:00:00.003+10:00

Tried to get to MOS burger yesterday after church

I was so close -_-

i saw the line and thought to myself...just in case, i need to withdraw money

when i came back there was a neat little sign saying "SORRY SOLD OUT"

NOOOOoooOOOOOOOoooo~

curses!!!!

2011-04-02T18:34:00.001+10:00

The MOS burger in sunnybank is open!

...but only between 12-2 and 5-7

I MISSED OUT ON MOS BURGER TODAY!!!! NOOOooooooOOOoooooOOOoooo~

update update update

2011-03-13T20:15:00.004+10:00

Soooo....in my last entry i told you guys that i was working on some other short stories and i have been :)

but at the same time i felt a spark of inspiration when i saw those drawings i did for "the little robot" so i decided to draw up the first scene for you guys :)

Illustrations

2011-03-07T22:59:00.004+10:00

Hi Everyone,

Just following up with one of my blog posts before. A little while back i posted the draft of the story about a little robot.

You guys wouldn't have known but at the time i was thinking of doing up some drawings for it so that you wouldn't all just be reading reading etc.

so yeah here's a photo of my sketchbook of what i had in mind.

In other news, i'm working on a different short story which is why you guys haven't heard anything from me in ages hahaha. I'm trying to stretch out the story longer and it seems to be developing quite nicely.

Gah

2011-01-26T20:07:00.003+10:00

For how long will i be in this stupid worship slump.

It doesn't feel right, when i'm there leaing it feels so plastic.

if i'm singing backup then i'm fine

but when it comes to leading that's where i start to feel sucky

so annoying, so frustrating, so....GAH!

water

2011-01-13T22:19:00.002+10:00

So yeah, for those of you who are in the brisbane area you'd notice that there's a bit of flooding happening over here...just a bit hahahaha

But yeah i figured it'd be good to blog about it as a record since it's something which is fairly significant.

It all started on Tuesday, church had just begun to dry out from flooding due to rain and I thought to myself as i was preparing for the day "I wonder if I should wear shorts to work today...nah"

I regretted it as soon as the meeting ended since we started sandbagging the entrances. Relocating equipment and backing up data.

To cut a long story short there are sigificant areas which are under water right now. Toowong, Milton, the Lower walkways along the river including New Farm, Kangaroo Point and the City itself are flooded. Services are slow and shopping centers have no food left on the shelves.

My area hasn't been hit at all praise God. We've had tonnes of calls from relatives etc. But yeah, we're fine.

They've blocked off some of the main roads into the city and evacuated key areas. A few people I know had to be evacuated. But mostly those who live south and West and in the low lying areas.

The places that got hit badly or more rural though. Places like Ipswich and Gympie got hit real hard, Toowoomba also which surprised me and worried me since I have relatives there but they're fine.

My Sister had to leave her unit in Bowen Hills, we went there on the Wednesday to pick up food from her place since they were cutting off power. Her car park was a bit wet, ankle high water. But yeah a lot of people were relocating getting what they could.

hmmm my whole reaction to this would probably be the same, of course I'm worried and I take no pleasure in the suffering of others but my actions are pretty much the same, if it comes then it comes, if it doesn't then it doesn't.

Either way God is in control and He allows all things not because He enjoys it but because there is a reason and purpose, do I know the reason, no. We're talking about the mind of God here but what I do know is that God works all things for good and I have faith in that no matter what.

Anyway that's it for now, nothing else that I really want to talk about.

Voice

2011-01-09T19:20:00.002+10:00

hmmm maybe i should get my throat checked out?

something doesn't feel right -_-

feels...tougher (not in a good sense) feels more strained as I try to sing.

...but then again it could just be today

oh well lemme see how it feels over the next few days

Theme

2011-01-05T18:04:00.002+10:00

You may remember me talking about themes for the year. Something that I feel God is telling me to work on for the year.

This year it's Lincoln Brewster -"You Are The One"

Lyrically a very simple song it gives praise to God about what has done and who He is, it talks of trust and dependence on God.

"But Ben...didn't you do this for 'Trust and Obey'"

hmmm yeah but this is different. whereas trust and obey was a message talking about dependence and developing my faith in God, 'You are the one' speaks to me of settling myself in the palm of God

Enjoying His Presence

Taking the time to seek Him

To recognize Him

...To be like a Samuel in at the foot of the ark.

So basically I'm just feeling God saying to me to learn to enjoy His presence. Learn to enjoy seeking after Him, Dedicate my time to Him.

Welcome

2011-01-03T19:38:00.003+10:00

to 2011!

This year is going to be awesome...at least that's what i hope for anyway hahaha

Tomorrow I'll be restarting work and will start the daily grind once again. It's a privilige to serve the Lord as paid staff but there's no denying that work has its own set of problems. But enough about work :)

I have something awesome in the works that should be released soon. Hopefully by the end of this month i'm super excited to see how it'll unfold :)

Was talking to Sharlini (not sure if it's spelt right) about life and somewhere in the convo i remember saying that it'd be really cool if church could send me off somewhere to learn (also told this to veron later hahaha)

I reckon it'd be really cool to go off with the blessing of the leaders to go off and study overseas, experience life in a different sense. But actually I have thought about this before, not about studying overseas but long term living overseas.

Physically it's impossible

With the arthritis that I have and the injections i'm required to take, it's not possible.

I can go overseas for a month or two at best but then after that my body will ache

*sigh*

oh well

we'll see, I believe that God heals but there's no doubt that i still feel burdened when they ask people to come up for healing...i've probably blogged about it before but just the feeling of going up 'again' in order to be available 'again' to pray for the same thing 'again'

It really feels super burdensome

at any rate everybody has issues to deal with, myself included nobody is perfect but i'll let you guys in on a small secret

I think something awesome is going to happen within this month :)

hahaha

I wish...

2010-12-05T22:55:00.002+10:00

That there is good will for all... SIF!

HAHAHA

Hmmm seriously i think that it might be awesome to make my own album...probably make some silly songs about various people and make nice versions of some of the perf songs that i've done.

Life is....

2010-12-02T00:23:00.002+10:00

...interesting, but we don't always know it

Amazing but we don't always see it

Fun but don't always feel it

A gift but don't always take it

just something i was thinking about

I think i'm beginning....

2010-11-30T23:18:00.002+10:00

To understand how my journalling works.

Alrighty this is such a random post for a lot of you, I haven't done anything to my blog in ages and i dunno if anyone will actually read this.

But yeah, back on topic. For a while now i've been journalling and feeling like i'm getting stuff spoken to me, but i don't know what it means.

Sorta like if someone talked to you in a totally different language. You know that they're saying something but you have no idea what it means. That was what my journalling was like.

I'd get stuff but i never got the meaning.

Today i got the meaning, it happened within a situation and I realised as I reflected later that a lot of the time i receive understanding is during the actual situation itself. At first my reaction was just "well...what's the point in that....if something bad is going to happen then it'll happen, why not warn me before hand like i have hear You do to others"

and that's when it hit me...for a while i've been praying, God help me to change, you know the areas i need to change in but you also know how I'm like...that to get me through the door you may have to kick me through it, but that's fine with me.

And so when is the best time to learn a lesson? when the situation is still fresh, that's when the correction will impact you most.

God is good...sometimes in a weird sorta way...but good nonetheless.

Neglect

2010-08-30T22:23:00.002+10:00

Hi all, yes, i've been neglecting this blog. actually i've been neglecting a lot of things, so here's a quick run down of what i've been doing:

1.Exercise - I started exercising like, 4 days ago. My body didn't like that too much hahaha. I know this for a fact that when I start exercising, even though it's relatively 'low impact' my body will feel like shutting down and I'll usually feel like throwing up. Yup, nothing has changed hahaha. I guess the key is to keep on persisting in it.

2. Cell Group - I'm no longer a cell group leader, it was decided by senior leadership that my cell should disband since there were a fair few high maintenance people. That's ok though, I think i'd find myself losing my mind if I were to think about work and take care of people at the same time.

3. Car - well, not so much a car, but i did get my license :) hahaha, but now that I have my license its opened up a doorway to doing more work :P hahaha. Just today I spent 4 hours buying ingredients with the cook since they didn't have enough cash on hand. So i had to make the trip down south, which for a northsider like me, takes a good hour to get there.

4. Health - I have a filling! yep got it today, the Dentist had to give me an anaesthetic and it made the whole left side of my face numb :) such a surreal feeling hahahaha. but yeah the rest of my teeth were fine, the doctor was quite surprised "hmmm, everything else is fine, your wisdom teeth are coming up, but they're straight...it's only that one tooth" so yeah

hopefully i can't come up with something more entertaining for you guys next time.

"reminder"

2010-07-05T22:29:00.007+10:00

Paper was stacked upon paper

so high it was that Ted was tired, working hard has its benefits but generally, when a person's body does "work" it expends energy and when you run out of energy you get...tired

So Ted was tired and being tired he did what a lot of people do...fall asleep

Through the power of a dream Ted opened his eyes and suddenly his desk stretched as far as the eye could see, the watch he had laid on his desk was now the size of plane and the sound it made was comparable to that as well.

His headphones lazily lay resting in the distance, silent and still and his cheap ballpoint pen he bought in a 12 pack looked even cheaper when it was 5 times his size.

And then Ted saw it and counted..."A4...A3..A2...A...a..." Ted lost count, quite understandable seeming as his mountain of paper which were originally up to his shoulders stretched up as far as his eyes could see.

and then he heard it...creaking...groaning and finally it happened...the mountain started to fall...Ted, powerless to do anything simply stood and as he stood he read in familiar handwriting "pick up kids" as post-it the size of a house came hurtling towards him.

And then Ted woke up

His earphones and watch were somewhere underneath the paper, his cheap pen looking just as cheap as it was before and as he left he smiled at the yellow post-it peeking up from the bottom of his papers.

Ecclesiastes 3:1 "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven..."

How long...

2010-06-21T22:55:00.003+10:00

Ever wondered about it?

How long do I have left to live?

I'm not wondering in a suicidal sorta way, but more in a sense of curiosity.

I wonder if people knew how long they were going to live, how they would react. How they would treat others.

I think there are a few ways to take the news, afterall it's not like people around us aren't totally foreign to the idea of suddenly "knowing" how long you'll live.

I remember once hearing about this person who got the news from the doctor "you have ____ days left to live" and apparently it really freed them.

For that person, it helped broaden their vision, that yes there is more to life than going to work and making money. Apparently the person lived the rest of their days as hard as they could, setting things straight, doing what they had dreamed of. I'm not sure if that person was a Christian but I'm mostly just seeing the reaction of a person.

Is it strange for me to think about death?

But the truth is that we could die at any moment. A lot of us don't really think about it since our age group is young and we think that for the most part we're quite healthy etc. etc. etc.

But that doesn't stop the fact that at any moment in any given point in time, Something may happen and we won't be here.

And since i'm in quite a reflective mood, would you rather go suddenly and quickly? or slowly? I've heard a lot of people say that they'd like a quick painless death. But then my thinking is..."well if it's quick and painless...you probably didn't know about it...and if you don't know about it, you don't really have the chance to put your own affairs into order".

Hmmmmmm...

Does it scare you? This whole death thing? If it does I don't blame you, but then again as a Christian, I don't have anything to fear.

Learning to Love...

2010-06-20T08:37:00.008+10:00

...Yourself

How sad...I've been thinking lately, my heart has been bursting and I'm annoyed and frustrated at the spirit that holds and governs these people's lives.

Last Friday after cell group I was taking the train back and I sat across from these two middle aged women. Instead of listening to music I had decided to read, but as I was trying to read, they did what a lot of women do...talk (no offence ladies...but you do that a lot :P)

And so as I was trying to read I did what I haven't done in a long time...eavesdrop :P hahaha

Well eavesdropping aside, hearing them talk it was really sad to hear what they were saying. One of them was 10 years younger than the other, had a partner (not husband), 2 properties and was totally unsatisfied, empty and afraid that her life would continue to be "like this"

She said she had life all figured out:

1) "Stuff what everyone thinks"

2) "The only important thing is you're happy with who you are"

3) "You're never too old to be a drunk ****" (and she continued to say it quite a lot)

The other woman, 10 years her senior was a mother with a career, successful and was absoloutly no help as she agreed with everything her young friend was saying.

In my mind i just kept on thinking..."how sad, how sad, how sad"

If only they knew what their lives could be.

Lately as I visit people who are outside of the faith of Christ, I hear their words over and over again.

And I get angry at how much the devil has cheated them.

It seems like there are so many problems which are born out of not knowing how much you're worth.

"Friends"

2010-06-14T20:36:00.002+10:00

Hahaha no this isn't going to be a post where I'm complaining about people.

Was just going through facebook and noticed that I had a friend invite from somebody i once knew in high school.

I thought it was pretty interesting and decided to check out his profile.

Didn't really see much since his privacy settings were limited, but I did see other people that were in his list from high school.

hahaha it was really interesting, seeing all those faces again.

But then again i doubt they remember me, since I didn't really mix around that much in high school anyway. Was close with 4 guys but that was it.

Anyway, work is alright slowly slowly, all will be good, just try to handle it with God and do my best.

I'm looking forward to some stuff that's coming up :)

and patiently trusting in the Lord.

Time for a change...

2010-05-19T10:22:00.001+10:00

...in me

I'm tired of feeling so downcast all the time, it's time for a change.

What to do...

2010-05-08T20:37:00.002+10:00

What do you do when you need to unwind.

Lately I've been finding myself thinking about this question.

I've had a mind changing experience coming into the workforce. No longer are there days, let alone weeks where you are available to do nothing at all.

As a student you enjoy "holidays" regular periods of time where you're basically told that you will not work...and you will have fun :P

As a working person it's not like that. You are now responsible for something much much more. Something rests on your shoulders and that weight is something where you come to the realisation that if you don't do what is supposed to happen, then you are failing not only yourself, but all those that depended on you for that action to be executed.

As I've grown older I heard people say "you're best days are those in school" I never really understood what they meant.

*sigh*

But in all of my emo-ness I also know that I have to fight these feelings. I know that my God gives me strength, that every time I fall I will have to humble myself and keep on going, that through it all God has something amazing that He wants me to see and that i'm being developed for that in this time.

God in all your wisdom you made me
In all your Love you created me
You carved my life and have already moulded my destiny

It's because of you I live and breathe
and I know that you will never leave me.

Through my joy let me praise you
Through my hardship let me praise you
Through it all may your name be glorified
That my name will shrink and yours be magnified.

All my fountains are in you.

Something New

2010-05-08T11:23:00.002+10:00

I'm creating something :)

It may be finished maybe in a few months time but I hope once it's done, it'll be something awesome.

I apologise to all my blog readers, since all of you that read this blog are people that I value and trust.

From all the people that I've personally shared this blog with, to those that silently check this blog from one of my friends' links :)

But I'm extremely excited about what's happening and it wouldn't be good to share it with you all prematurely.

I'm contemplating...

2010-03-29T17:34:00.002+10:00

...about dreams :)

This is the result of last nights sermon from Faith and Healing Service by Ps. Jeannie Mok.

She was saying that a God given dream will never die, you may not see it come to fulfillment but it will certainly come to pass.

In her sermon she spoke of her own dream, the dream to write a best-seller novel.

I reckon that's pretty cool :)

And since she shared hers, I thought I'd share a bit of mine hahaha

When I was in early primary my dream was to become...A BUSINESS MAN!

HAHAHAHA

...no...seriously -_-

:P

The reason why, was because I thought the business men looked really spiffy with their suitcases and suits hahaha

A little bit after that was to be...AN INVENTOR!

cos I thought it'd be really cool to wear a lab coat :)

hahaha But yes, these were what I wanted to be when I grew up. As for things when I grow up, I think my dream is to keep singing for God.

I want to keep on singing for God and to have His presence ushered in.

I'd like to learn as many musical instruments as I can (fluently...the current count is zero :P)

I'd like to create music and movies that honor God and His people

Sometimes...

2010-03-29T16:01:00.001+10:00

...I like to look at clouds

My Brother

2010-03-18T22:33:00.002+10:00

I have one younger brother

His name is Daniel, its origins is found Hebrew and means "God is my judge".

This name shows a reliance and dependance on God like no other, it shows a love and hunger inside a person's heart.

It's a good name to have :)

The reason why i'm blogging about my brother is that he's not as small as he used to be. I know that he's taller than me but my point is that I have noticed that he's growing up.

He's maturing, changing into an adult.

I see his facial features begin to mature, I believe that if he lost weight he would be very good looking.

I look foward to the day he'll get married hahaha.

Until then, he's still my little brother :P

Feels Like Sunday Morning :P

2010-03-07T09:48:00.003+10:00

Today is combined service sunday :)

I'm sitting here by myself waiting for service to start. 10 mins :)

But yeah, not singing today, was sick on the tuesday when practice was on so today i'll be a participant in the congregation :D

Dom just saw me, had a wave hahaha, he looks very puzzled hahaha. He is wearing a very loud yellow shirt, very sunny :D

Ok so hahaha apparently we've lost a newcomer, Dom needs to go find them hahaha should be alright hahaha.

Anyway, feels relaxing to sit back in the congregation every once in a while, everybody is buzzing around doing stuff but yeah I've found that as a naturally inclined introvert, I need my time to sit back and just think and digest....not that I think much though :P hahaha.

I wonder how long it'll be that combined services will be like this. Already I see new people coming in, new people that I've never seen before :) that's a good thing hahaha. But yes, one day the people on stage will no longer be there, things will change I just pray that we'll be good stewards of this place and time for as long as God has ordained it to be so :)

today

2010-02-25T20:56:00.002+10:00

Today was not one of my best days...actually this whole week has not been one of my best weeks.

But I shall lift it to the Lord in prayer :)

Anyway, just wanted to say that, there's no place like home and sometimes the best thing in life is a hot shower :)

random thoughts :)

2010-02-20T01:05:00.003+10:00

hahaha,

So I was on the bus before, going into church and was thinking about the world, ways and general meaning of things, when i noticed a mosquito flying into the window (like insects usually do)

After a while it just fell straight down, twitched a bit and stopped moving.

And as it twitched its last twitch, I felt my heart rejoice..."YAAAAY!!!"

I hate mosquitos....yes God made them and they're an important part of the food chain...but they're so annoying -_-

But yes, while I was still rejoicing of the natural death of the blood sucking fiend.

It got up and started to fly again -_-

ahhhhh....and that's when I had a random thought

"yeah...I don't think anybody'd pray for the ressurrection of a mosquito"

Fashionbly Late

2010-02-18T20:34:00.002+10:00

Hey guys,

So as all of you would have seen...I haven't blogged in ages. Therefore I made the title "fashionably late"

hahaha

So, what's been going on in my life? Well I busier, more inundated with stuff and that's about it hahaha.

I don't really want to share what I've been busy with (no it's not a relationship), i'll post it on the blog in due time. But in the mean time, just know i'm not doing anything stupid.

But yes, anyway what I do want to share with you guys is a thought that I had today. When I was walking back home I started to talk to God.

"God I haven't had that much time with you have I, I've been busy with other things, other responsibilities that I've pushed away the time that I used to spend with you"

Now this is a huge worry for me since church is moving into a time of prayer, a time of spiritual warfare, a time of seeking the presence of God because the leadership has said that the time of revival is near.

I've witnessed people come under real trouble and attack from the enemy because they weren't really ready (not saying that they're not good people, and I'm not condemning them either). But the matter of the fact is, I don't want to fall away from God.

I need to spend time with Him

And I haven't been doing it as much as I should have.

So yes, I basically poured out my heart to God, my frustrations, my issues etc.

I feel a bit better, but I'm now asking God to teach me how to spend time with Him. Not just a few minutes here and there but really pressing in, in prayer, worshiping him and seeking him. The stuff that can only be characterized by spending hours with God.

So yes...my theme for this year "all my fountains are in you" is definately true.

Aaaand This year's theme is!

2010-02-03T11:31:00.003+10:00

alrighty,

So i'm not sure if I blogged about this yet, but last year if you guys have my msn you would've noticed that the whole year I had the following:

Ben - "Trust & Obey"

what was that all about? well there's a reason why that was there. Basically last year I was listening to the song and praying about direction since it was (and still is :P) a big issue with me. And I felt that God spoke to me through the title of that song :)

So this year it's changed.

Trusting and Obeying is no longer the major theme (although still very important) my msn now appears as:

Ben - "All My Fountains Are In You"

This is a line from a song called "No Other". But basically I just feel that God is telling me.

"Ben, last year you've trusted and obeyed, you've been faithful with what you said you would do. Now find yourself in me, place yourself in me, plant yourself and dig deep into my reservoirs because I will give you the strength and nourishment you need"

So yes. :)

That's my theme this year :)

where are you?

2010-02-01T19:52:00.004+10:00

So I was thinking lately

how come sometimes it's seems like God answers everybody else...but not me -_-?

I'm sure that a lot of you have had this sort of thing before, asking yourself "where are you God?"

Now i'm not saying that I'm forsaken by God or anything like that, neither am I saying that God is not real.

God is real, He's always faithful and keeps His promises and answers prayer.

My thought is only this, sometimes it seems like God isn't there, like He doesn't pay attention to you.

for example:

"where's my healing God? seems like everybody else is getting healed and yet you still haven't answered me..."

"where's my job God? everybody else seems to be getting jobs but even though I keep asking you it hasn't happened..."

"...How come others are able to feel you? to hear your voice? to see awesome stuff...but i don't?"

and the list is endless ranging from the want of a child to relationships to the manifestation of God's holiness

and I guess that's probably one of the main issues that I'm rambling on about.

"Where's my miracle?"

many times in the past I've felt like i've been missing out. That maybe God isn't answering me.

I think to myself...maybe I did something wrong...maybe this is a test....maybe something's wrong with me...or maybe it's not meant to be...

In all those situations I remind myself "God is faithful, God is good, He answers all prayer and He answers me"

which I guess brings me to the whole crux of my rambling

"God...Let me know you're there"

....so irritating...

2010-01-28T22:45:00.002+10:00

OH MY GOSH!!!!

I just finished the drama 'cruel temptation'

IT'S SO IRRITATING!!!!

man! first they're totally bent on destroying the other person's life and then in the end they're trying to cover up for the other person's mistakes when a few moments ago they could've killed them

GAH!

and the ending scene is so stupid!!!

*sigh*

I mean if you're going to apologise and say how much you love each other and what a huge misuderstanding everything was...THEN DO IT IN THE FIRST PLACE

my goodness -_-

what a dumb drama, can't believe it got 40% of viewer ratings -_-

but I watched the whole thing in the end so what does that make me -_-

oh well

If anything at all it makes me glad that I have Jesus in my life and that God's got my back.

"Cruel Tempation"

2010-01-28T12:54:00.004+10:00

Hey guys,

Ok first of all I'm doing ok, the title there is only the title of the K-Drama that I'm watching now hahaha.

I thought I'd let you guys know first before you start thinking stuff like

"OH MY GOSH!? IS BEN FALLING FOR A NON-CHRISTIAN GIRL?!"

"OH MY GOSH!? IS BEN STRUGGLING IN SIN?!"

...eh..no..

hahaha

Like I said 'Cruel Temptation' is the name of the Korean drama series that I'm watching right now.

see?

Anyway it's about lies, deceit, murder, revenge, stealing, hatred etc. etc. etc.

"...wow...sounds evil..."

Yes it is

and apparently it raked in 40% of viewer ratings for the station that broadcast it. (yes...that's very big, given that a normal show can get around 10-15%...i think :P)

"So why have you decided to blog about?"

well, the reason I decided to blog about it is because...it's so darn irritating -_-

"huh?"

yes...IRRITATING

"then why are you watching it?"

Cos i started watching it so i wanna finish it -_-

"...oh"

yup...anyway the reason why it's so darn irritating is not because of the revenge/hate/lies etc.

It's because watching the whole scenario unfold I know that there's two simple and wonderful ways to resolve all of it

1) RESPECT

Oh my goodness -_- the made up characters don't give one ounce of respect. There's infidelity, injustice, words spoken in anger and the family frequently lies to each other

2) "I'M SORRY"

In all of the episodes I cannot remember once, hearing anybody say to another person a sincere apology, it only comes out when the person's been caught out or something -_-

Gah! such an irritating and frustrating series.

It's times like these I wonder what it would be like if there was a God character within the series, what would it be like?

hmmm i wonder if it's possible to do something like that, have a convincing drama that has a real/tangible sense of the spiritual without it being some sort of weird B grade horror drama thingy -_-

Something to talk about (again?)

2010-01-27T15:16:00.003+10:00

Hey guys,

"so i'm literally sitting here going through your old blog posts"...is a comment that spurned me to post this one, thanks Janice :P

So the random going on's in my life are listed as such:

1. I'm a K-Drama Junkie

Yes...I'm a K-drama junkie hahaha. Actually it's not that bad, I'm only watching drama's because my parents came back with a fair few of them so i've been spending the past few days zoning out and allowing my mind to enter the world of love triangles, revenge and kimchi :P

2 KTV

My parents brought back a KTV system, so i've also been spending my days trying to set it up, rearrange furniture lifting etc.

3. I'm getting a new room

...still in the same house but just going to a different room...oh well

4. My sis

My sister has been dropping by every now and again, usually to pick stuff up...which means that me and my brother carry it to the car hahaha

5. Changing guitar strings

ehhh...so i'm changing the strings on my guitar because it's about time...the same strings have been on there for around 2 years straight.

So yes...that's what i've been up to :)

'How does it feel?'

2010-01-12T21:50:00.002+10:00

So my sister's wedding has come and gone. She is now officially Mrs. Tan and she is off with Mr. Tan on their honeymoon :)

so what does all this mean?

It means I get two questions :P

1) "Ben, how do you feel now that your sister is out of the house"

Seriously, I feel a bit sad :( I mean really, c'mon who doesn't miss their family members when they're away and for me it feels like something is missing slightly. Usually I'd be able to hear the door slide open in the late hours of the night and be able to think to myself "jie is back", usually I'd be able to do crazy dances with my brother and then intro them to my sister but not anymore or I'd be able to hear her talking to her friends on her mobile late at night and then in the next morning see her eyes all red and puffy from not enough sleep...not anymore -_-

However even though I say all this stuff it doesn't feel that bad...just different.

The second question I get is

2) "so Ben...when are you going to get married"
-_-
to get married I need a girlfriend and for that to happen I still need to clear some conditions I've placed on myself. Although I do feel that the time when I'll finally be 'ready' is very very close, maybe this year, who knows? hahaha (God :P)

In the meantime I've got my own things to take care of, so yes :) gotta keep working hard :)

Routine Checkup :P

2010-01-06T23:17:00.002+10:00

hahaha so I was doing my routine blog check :)

I like to see what people are writing, afterall for me I find it sad if a person shares their thoughts and inmost secrets and nobody reads them.

But I see a whole variety of different subjects.

My sister's talks some coverage on her wedding which is coming up in 3 days :)

other's talk about playing on words

their position in life

or random thoughts

So yes, I like to read people's blogs. Probably something that I don't do often enough though is check facebook -_-

Apparently two of my friends got engaged and everybody knows they did since their status changed -_- and since I don't check fb all that often I only really go the confirming news today and checked out their photos hahaha.

Oh well, I don't plan to increase my facebook time, instead I'll do other stuff hahaha.

...you're my friend?

2010-01-02T22:57:00.003+10:00

Ok so this post isn't about me saying worthless things about my friends, rather it's about something that happened while I was meeting up with Juls for some lunch.

We were there talking when all of a sudden my phone rang, it didn't show any caller ID so I picked up and the following ensued:

"Hello"

"Hi! Is this Ben?"

"...yes...sorry but who is this?"

"It's me! Your friend!"

"...eh? Is this ____?"

"No, you don't remember me?"

"mmm...not really can you tell me your name?"

"we met 2 days ago"

"...wha? where?"

"in the city, don't you remember?"

"mmm not really...can you tell me your name please?"

"It's Lia"

"...no I don't know anybody who's name is called that"

"but we met before"

" I'msorrybutidon'tknowyoui'mhangingupnowbye!"

Juls: "who was that?"

"...i have no idea...apparently it's my "friend""

Juls: huh? How did they get your number?

"dunno...supposedly met up with them 2 days ago...2 days...mmm..."

Juls: 2 days ago would be new years

"...really? ....I stayed home the whole day though....CREEPY O_O"

So yes...weird random phone call from weird random person saying that they're my friend...-_-

something to talk about

2009-12-27T20:06:00.002+10:00

hmmm, I really like it how some people are able to communicate.

"what are you going on about?"

Some people just seem to have a gift when it comes to 'making their point', they tell jokes and people 'get' them, they tell a story and people are captivated, they open their mouth and it seems like everyone's attention is just drawn in.

...I don't have that gift -_-

For me usually when I talk people don't hear me, or if they have then they've just ignored me...not sure which is worse -_-

Some people have put it down to the fact that I mumble, but it's hard not to mumble when you have a low voice -_- people don't seem to hear it that well unless it's amplified by speakers

...maybe I should carry a megaphone with me -_- hahahaha

"If you could have anything..."

2009-12-19T15:10:00.003+10:00

Hey guys,

So for those of you who don't know, I enjoy reading mangas and watching anime and dramas hahaha. I find that a common theme in manga is somebody acquires the abilities to have anything granted.

this thing, person, process can grant any wish whatever it is and usually the person goes crazy wishing for material things.

And I asked myself "Ben...If you had something like that...what would you ask for?" or in other words, If you had the opportunity to have any number of wishes granted what would you ask for?

Of course I went through the whole "money, stuff, etc. etc. etc." process and then I had a thought...what would God say about it?

For me one of the biggest things is the will and plan that God has for me...would the things I ask for totally disregard the things he has planned?

Probably hahaha

I trust God for my finances that He will give me the amount that I need not want

I trust God in the experiences that I have, that they are all allowed in order to fulfill the purpose He has for me

I trust God for the talents and gifts He has given me that they will fulfill the destiny He has for me.

So I guess to summarise all of this, if one fine day I happened to acquire a magical animal, item or thing that could grant me anything I wanted.

I think I'd have to politely reject its offer...since God has all the bases covered in the first place

:)

"To Whom It May Concern..."

2009-12-17T18:39:00.003+10:00

I have been going through my resume and I have to say...it looks pretty dismal...even with my new qualification...

Oh well...I can only try my best and be truthful right?

In other news, the Christmas Outreach is happening tomorrow :)

I'm quite happy with the outreach, should be great :)

100th POST!!! and my very embarrassing dream >_<

2009-11-28T09:02:00.025+10:00

Yaaaay!!! A huge milestone has occurred within this blog and I'm here to share the joy with each of you! This is my 100th Post!!! hahaha,

Actually this post entry was in the works quite a few days ago, but then I put it on hold because I saw that my 100th Post was coming close, and I thought to myself "...wow...my 100th post is coming up soon...what should I share?" and then this came up! My very embarrassing dream

I was talking to Veron a few days back, we were talking about the usual stuff... "MATTERS OF THE HEART" and "THE ONE" hahaha. And I remembered a dream that I had ages ago when I was in highschool that I really did meet "THE ONE" and so I'm here to tell you guys all about it hahaha

So basically the dream started off simple enough, I was with friends and we were miners (...no I have no desire to be a miner) but that was pretty cool for a while, just riding around in the mine carts and all these holes in the sides of the walls, we were all on the way back from our fruitless mining expedition (which is ok, since by this time I knew I was dreaming) and I thought I'd just go along with it and see what happens.

So yes, we're all on our way back when the boss (who was a little mean) said that we all had to go and get up the ladder (which is fine with me since there's no point being stuck in a mine), before going he gave me this small flat rectangular tin box (why? I don't know -_-) but I knew that it was very important so I jammed it into the side of the wall (as one would normally do :D) and promptly climbed up the ladder :D

As soon as my head emerged I found myself inside a really nice ballroom hall, I remember it to be very high class, very stylish...probably think 'Phantom of the Opera'...only without the masks...and freaky dancers...

Now, my mining buddies and I were still in our work gear, but that was okay since nobody seemed to mind at all (and it's a dream so I didn't really care). We were all still together and that's when I saw her..."THE ONE" hahaha. She was talking to some rather nicely dressed guys (...also taller than me...) Ok so at this point you guys are probably thinking

"BEEEeeeenn!!! What did she look like?!"

I guess this since that's what my family asked me when I told them about this dream ages ago hahaha. Truthfully I never saw her face in my dream, (no she wasn't a faceless monster -_-) what I do remember was that I felt like everyone else in the room was watching her too, that she was a very attractive person and had such a magnetic personality, and then with the encouragement of my friends I walked up to her and asked her to dance.

The whole room was watching us, me in my mining clothes :P and her in her red ballroom dress, during that time I never looked down at her because I was feeling quite embarrassed, so like I said, I never saw her face and then after the dance...I went back to the mines :D and spent some more time in the carts hahaha.

okay so two things to know before I continue

1. I don't know how dreams work chronologically
2. Dreams don't totally make sense

So yes, back to my dream :) By this point I was getting quite into it, still knew it was a dream but was also quite happy to let my mind slip in and out of it...and yes as my time in the mine carts faded out, I found myself in a shopping centre, paper bag in one hand and satisfied in the knowledge that I was now married to her :P

I found myself walking along and for some reason I thought it'd be nice to be her a dress...so I happily continued my quest, boldly walked into a store and asked for a cheongsam hahaha. (dreams don't make sense hahaha). Anyway I was quite content when all of a sudden I realized...I don't know her size!

Lucky for me I bumped into an aunty who came up with the brilliant idea that I wear the cheongsam since "you guys are about the same size anyway"...to which I ingeniously replied "...oh yah~" Now like I said, dreams don't really make sense, in retrospect I find it quite troubling that the aunty said that we had the same body shape and besides! In my dream my wife had a very elegant figure!

But yes, I digress hahaha, fast foward past a brief measuring and crossdressing scene :P I found myself very panicked, I didn't know why but I knew that something was wrong, something was very wrong and my wife was in danger. Rushing out of the store (with cheongsam safely bought and myself in normal clothes...praise God :D) I rushed to a place which I knew was the hospital (how I knew I don't know) but I remember being very panicked because my wife's life was in danger.

Going into the lobby I was freaking out more since there were all these elevators and no one was helping me out. Finally I just jumped into an elevator and when it reached some room, there she was, the staff quietly lining the sides of the room, their blue uniforms contrasting on the white bandages that wrapped her from head to toe.

I was really quite into my dream by this time and when I saw her like that I was overcome and starting beating against her dead body and as I cried out

"NOOOOOOOOoooooooOOOOOooooooo....."

I woke up

I was so distraught that when I woke up I immediately said to myself "I GOTTA SAVE HER!" and went back to sleep!

actually I when I did sleep I had a continuation, I found myself back in the cheongsam shop and I remembered that if only I had that tin box the miner boss gave me, it would save her life! So I thought to myself "YES!" rushing out of there (without meeting the aunty) I went for a ride in the mines, but couldn't find the box! So I went to the hopsital again, but other then that it was a hopeless replay of events.

I was really sad!!!! I was fully depressed over my dream for at least 3 days!!!

*sigh*...good times :P

hahahaha

So yes, that's my dream that I had and this is my 100th Post!!! :)

Sometimes

2009-11-27T13:59:00.002+10:00

So I'm sure that you guys have felt this feeling before.

The feeling that God is so close to everybody else and not you.

"How come all these others are experiencing so much more than me?"

"Why is it that You seem to be answering everybody else's prayer and not me?"

...

"Have I done something wrong?"

I will walk through this wilderness with faith, strength and sight.

Faith that My God answers me and that He fulfills the promises and words that He has spoken

Strength not of my own but from the knowledge that My God is indeed with me through all times both good and bad.

Sight, not that I see the end result or the grand culmination of the plans and actions that My God has for me, but that My God has seen it in me and He guides me on that path.

Today

2009-11-26T17:48:00.003+10:00

aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....

I need a hot shower and my bed :)

the simple comforts of life are sometimes the best. Sorta makes you wonder how life worked out in your parent's or grandparents days, y'know the 3 hour train ride to school and back, the time when phones were a luxury and being wealthy was having a house with a door bell (reference to T.D Jakes hahaha)

But yes, how did it all work out? How did people get by WITHOUT AIRCON!?

Oh well, I guess the moral is, be thankful for the small things in life as well as the big :)

I wonder...

2009-11-25T13:52:00.003+10:00

...if one day i'll look back on these days and laugh at how much I used to worry...

...about will I marry...

... what I'm going to work as...

...will I have enough...

...how much would be 'enough'...

If I could do anything in the world, anything at all...then I'd sing to the LORD, to sing and glorify God and make a living out of it, that's what I'd do...

sometimes it's better...

2009-11-25T11:30:00.000+10:00

...not to get out of bed.

at least that's how i feel today...*sigh*...

One for Shun Wei

2009-11-21T20:11:00.003+10:00

CONGRATULATIONS SHUN WEI!!!!

So by now, Shun Wei Lua has finished her university studies for 2 days and I thought that I should write up a blog post dedicated to her (cos when you mention June Bay you also got to talk about Shun Wei :P)

Mmm I can't remember meeting Shun Wei for the first time, probably when I started serving in Choir (like with June Bay) but we've shared a lot of good times :)

Shun Wei has many different gifts and I thought I'd honor her in this blog post by showing off her good points:

1. Humor - hmm...let's put it this way...Shun Wei's head is up in the clouds somewhere...and if you entertain her she'll keep on traveling waaaaaay out there :P hahaha

2. Sunshine and Lollipops - Pretty much all the time you meet Shun Wei she'll be sunny and smiley, even if she's feeling sick. The best evidence of this is when she worships, many people have said that when she worships, she worships with such joy so much so that it draws people's attention on her and prompts them to worship.

3. No Fear - When Shun Wei decides to do something, she does it. Even when most times I think it might be embarrassing she'll blast straight through it like walls are to the Incredible Hulk :P

4. Heart after God - I've seen her heart constantly chase after our Almighty Father. It's really a sight to behold and I'm sure is an encouragement to those who know her.

So Shun Wei, CONGRATULATIONS ON FINISHING YOUR EXAMS AND ASSIGNMENTS!

Bezoar

2009-11-21T07:53:00.005+10:00

ok...so I have no idea where it came from, it's 7:54am on a very very hot saturday.

How hot is it? It's so hot that when I woke up I said "it's hot =_=" and went back to sleep.

But yes...I have no idea where it came from, but my mind just remembered the word "bezoar"

And for a while I thought I made up a pretty weird sounding word, afterall it's is quite a weird sounding word HOWEVER I decided to verify my potential grammatical prowess with everyone's reliable source, the internet :P

Or to be more specific...the online dictionary (cos I rarely feel like flipping through pages when I wake up -_-)...apparently 'bezoar' is an actual word -_-

'Bezoar' which is a noun, is a "hard indigestible mass of material, such as hair (furball :P), vegetable fibers, or fruits, found in the stomachs or intestines of animals, especially ruminants (cattle, sheep etc.), and humans. It was formerly considered to be an antidote to poisons and to possess magic properites."

So yes...turns out i'm not a grammatical genius however, spiritually I feel God asking me...

"Ben...What's your Bezoar?"

In other words, what is it that you have allowed to be in you, to sit inside you so long that it's become a hard mass that gets stuck in your throat if you even start to think about it. So in turn I ask you guys the same question.

"what's your Bezoar?"

Is it Anger? Is it a situation that you haven't given to God to deal with yet?

Maybe it's a reaction? that maybe you run away from your fears instead of walking into it with God?

It could be stubborness, pride, resentment, depression, anxiety, distrust, a lack of faith, or sin.

The important thing is to know that a bezoar was thought to have medical properties, that it could help or cure you of poisons and the like.

But in truth it doesn't do any of that, it's not an antidote, it doesn't possess magical properties and it's not going to help if you keep on relying on your 'Bezoar-reaction'.

In the end it's just going to sit there within you.

So yes...what's your bezoar?

(not bad for 7:54am on a hot saturday morning ey? :P)

sunshine...

2009-11-19T15:00:00.002+10:00

..."and lollipops" :D

urgh...it's really hot...and sunny lately. Personally I like cold weather...which isn't really great since my body is sensitive to the cold hahaha

But yes, Brisbane is hot and I'm going to be finishing my course in 3 weeks!

Wow...that's amazing

What am I going to do next?

*sigh*

*SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHHHHHHHHHHHH*

God I'm trusting in you

Oh...in other news, I'm going DFO tomorrow yaaaaay~

I'll see if there are any good deals :)

What is Love?

2009-11-18T19:03:00.006+10:00

..."baby don't hurt meee~ don't hurt mee~ no more~~" hahaha (reference to an old song)

I asked someone recently "what is your understanding of love?"

basically the answer I got was quite standard but spiritually I felt that the answer was immature.

So how do you explain love?

I'm sure that you all have read the words of 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

One thing when reading this passage is to remember that all these things are actions, you have to show kindness, you have not be rude, you make the decision to not be self-seeking and to forgive.

Love is a CHOICE not a feeling and here is the main part which really helped me wrap my head around this whole idea of love (not that I fully understand it mind you) but, what happens when you substitute the word 'love' for your own name? Can you say that all the statements are true?

Ben is patient, Ben is kind.
Ben does not envy Ben does not boast, Ben is not proud.
Ben is not rude, Ben is not self-seeking, Ben is not easily angered, Ben keeps no record of wrongs. Ben does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
Ben always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perserveres.

See, what this does is take the idea of love and internalizes and makes it personal to you.

Try it with your own name and see how you measure up, because I am 100% sure that this is not me...yet :P

And use it as a measure when thinking of a potential partner, not that you will find anyone with all these qualities, but if they are found grossly lacking in one of these areas, or many then it can give you an indicator of how mature that person is. How willing are they to love you, even if they aren't in a relationship with you...yet

a little explanation

2009-11-18T18:30:00.006+10:00

Confidence...confide-nce...confi...dense?

I heard from the preacher at chapel today the message of Confidence. Or to be more specific:

Confidence in God

That we as children of the Most High come under Him and are protected and guided, provided and sanctified by Him.

Do I have complete confidence in God? I don't think so...I am excited about the future but at the same time I am very anxious about the future.

Is God going to answer me?
Am I outside His path?
Have I done something that God hates?

..."Trust & Obey"...

Since the start of the year I have had this little title on my msn name, you guys may have noticed it.

It's there for a reason.

Every time I feel so discouraged, so depressed, disillusioned and other negative words that start with "dis" I remember "Trust & Obey"

And when I do that I can remember the fact that even though I don't have all the answers, even though I don't know what's coming ahead or way things happen the way they do. I have said to our Father

"I don't have all the answers, I don't understand everything nor do I know where you're going to take me, how or why...but God...I CHOOSE to trust in you and I will trust and obey.

For June Bay

2009-11-16T18:59:00.008+10:00

So this blog post is dedicated to the wonderful June Bay.

Why? Because she has just finished her last exam and therefore has finally finished her degree :D (well the exam parts of it anyway :P)

I don't really remember the first time I met June Bay, probably when I started serving in choir, but what I do remember is that she has been an awesome friend :) What are the things I remember most about?

1. Personality
June Bay is a down to earth girl who has the ability to be waaaaay out there when the situation arises :D I find that her friendly demeanor and focus on work gives her a professional yet approachable air around her. Now I don't really vent my annoyances and anger to a lot of people but June Bay is one of these people that I know I can trust to let me talk when I need to and let me finish what I'm saying :D

2. Servant Heart
I believe that June Bay has a great servant heart, her personality is that of a good leader but she also exercises herself with humility by serving under others and is always ready to lend a helping hand.

3. Humour
...quite unique :P

4. super amazing PIANO SKILLZZZZZZ
Okay, so you cannot talk about June Bay and not talk about her prodigious proficiency with the piano, her bodacious skillz with the piano cannot be described with mere words alone.

So yes...June Bay! CONGRATULATIONS ON FINISHING YOUR LAST EXAM!!!!!!!!

spending time doing nothing and "how much do you love me?"

2009-11-11T18:15:00.019+10:00

Sean Wong...a man who has been a close friend, fellow fashion consultant and brother of sponteneity is now a man who has finished his university course :) I spent some time with Sean today helping him celebrate his ascent from the drudgery of student life into that of the full-time worker.

One of the things that we did do was go suit shopping (well more my idea) so hopefully I can get a nice suit that actually FITS me hahaha (since some ppl have been saying that my current suit doesn't fit T.T)

Also went to "Hare's Hair" and convinced Sean to get a haircut hahaha so you guys can see what he looks like soon :)

So congratulations Sean on taking that next step in life :)

------------------------------------------------

In other news I've been thinking and as I was thinking I heard myself say "how much do you love me?"

and it got me thinking...how much do others love me? How much do I show I love others? And I'm not talking about superficially saying the word 'love' like they were throwing it around like the air, nor am I talking about love within a relationship.

But how much interest do I show in others? in friends and family, my cell group and relatives?

and vice versa

How much interest do others show in me? from my friends, family, my cell group and relatives?

I feel...

2009-11-09T11:03:00.002+10:00

...really drained...I wonder why? hmmm maybe it's cos I didn't get enough sleep last night, felt very restless so I woke up a few times, the rain was quite heavy and beat against my window quite hard to that woke me up too...oh well -_-

for what reason?

2009-11-08T21:04:00.007+10:00

So before I continue...no i'm not in love with anybody...okay...please continue :)

So i've been thinking lately

What is it exactly about a person that attracts you to them. No i'm not really asking you guys stuff like "their eyes" or "the way their hair falls around them" (although feel free to say what you want in the comment box :D) but more like...what exactly initiates that whole process of 'liking someone'.

Why is it that we develop a crush on someone (no i'm not in love with anyone) and not others?

We as humans can spend ages surrounded by people, looking at their features you don't see anything special and yet when you see that one special person all of a sudden

*BAM*

There's like a halo around them and you're completely and utterly infatuated by them...

strange...is it not?

What's just as strange is that even though it can happen to a person you've just met, it can also happen to someone that you've interacted with for ages and ages and ages and all of a sudden

*BAM*

There's like a halo around them and you're completely and utterly infatuated by them...

once again I'm not in love with anybody, I do not have a crush over someone -_- this is just my random musings.

---------------------------------------------------------------

In other news

A few people have been joking around me in the spirit of good fun :) of course I don't take offense or anything like that but the question they've been asking me is...no it's not are you getting married...althooooough hahahaha nah that's a story yet to start :)

nah the question they ask me is "Ben are you going to say anything during your sister's wedding" to which i say "no", they also ask "are you gonna cry~~~~?" to which I usually make a little show about it y'know joke around and join in with a humourous spirit (although I think mine still needs to be developed :P)

Truth be told I do tear up at weddings, if I'm not on stage singing for someone's wedding (which has only been my priviledge to do recently) then I'll be in the congregation and usually I'll tear up at one point or another, what can I say? I've got HE-MOTIONS (shout out to T.D Jakes' sermon hahaha)

But in response to that question of whether I will cry at my sister's wedding? I think...

I will :)

related stranger

2009-11-07T19:34:00.005+10:00

Hey everyone,

So today has been quite long but enjoyable, many things going on :)

Let me ask you guys a question...when was the last time you took a really good look at someone?

The reason why I thought of something like this is because my parents are getting older and I want to do as much as I can between now and when God finally calls them home.

I took a really good look at my dad a few days ago, I was suprised to see how much whiter his hair had become, how wrinkled his face was starting to be and i realised...I missed something...I took him for granted and I thank God that I've been trying to be more affectionate to my parents for a while now (6mths), I thank God that this "reverse ding" moment has happened.

So i encourage you all, talk with your parents, take a good look a really good look at them and engrave that moment within you because as much as we fail to realise it and may not want to think about it, one day they'll be gone and you'll wonder why you didn't know them in the fullest sense of the word, that really you were just a 'related stranger' living within the same house.

This is a recording that Me, June and Serene did. We recorded it on my birthday :)
1) Yes it's supposed to be black, I was filming vid but they're quite camera shy so instead i placed it face down so it only got audio.
2) The song is 'emmanuel' :)
3) June did the melody, I did harmony and Serene did echo, all in all pretty good for a few mins worth of practice and a lot of spontaneity :)
4) This vid was taken with my phone so audio quality may not be as great but it's quite good for a mobile I think :D (my phone is a sony ericsson G705)

Prayer

2009-11-04T20:25:00.003+10:00

pray pray pray pray pray

our life should be constantly drenched in prayer and right now i feel like I need prayer, special time with God, to set aside time and just drench myself in His presence...I know what it is...I'm ungry for the Spirit of God.

In my physical tiredness I am finally "quiet" enough to listen to the craving that I have somehow ignored.

Am I still excited? Yes :)

2009-11-04T18:58:00.004+10:00

Hello~

Ok so for the past 4 days I have been 23, to be honest it does feel a little different, but I think that's through the grace of God and not me :P

So as an update to my last post, nothing INSANELY AWESOME has happened yet, but that still doesn't change anything hahaha. Recently I've been thinking about money matters more and more, money is important, it helps us get things in life but we shouldn't let life be about getting money :P (hohoho~)

Basically I'm learning how to control my spending since even though I don't spend that much on a day to day basis I have a tendancy to splurge very badly when I feel the need for it...and usually that need is quite unjustified -_- so really there's no need at all *sigh*

But gradually i'm learning :D

excited :D

2009-10-26T19:54:00.002+10:00

It only happened just then...in a split second...no seriously :D

I'm excited!

I wonder what God's got in store for me!

I'm not so much excited by the end (even though that's pretty cool :D) but more of the journey to get there.

Throughout this year I've been praying so hard to God about my future, I haven't received an answer yet but I know that God's hand is in my life, He's guiding it and now i'm just full of expectation at what God will do?

I remember Ps. Jono saying that when God does something, it happens SUDDENLY! Not that there isn't a process in all things but that God is being patient, waiting for the right moment and when I'm finally ready He'll just pour it out abundantly!

I could be destined to be a singer, or a garbo, I could be sent to some far flung place...which I probably don't want to go to! On the way God may answer my prayers for a wife or He may give me the gift of celibacy (i've sort of come to terms with that)

God has come to give me life and life abundantly! And I know that it'll happen because I will be with my God in the moment He sets for me.

and now the time has come for...FRIENDS THAT I DON'T REALLY TALK TO BUT LIFE WOULDN'T BE THE SAME WITHOUT THEM!!!!

Today i'll be talking about MR. WELDON ROBERTS!!!! Weldon is one of the guys that go to second service and really I don't talk to him as much as I should, I find that he's a guy who isn't afraid to follow his heart and dreams. Very generous with his time and energy. He's also married to an awesome woman who's intensely shy -_-

But yes! that's it! See you guys later :D

sick sick sick

2009-10-25T19:43:00.002+10:00

argh -_-

this is the longest cold that i've had...EVER...i've had it since mooncake fest which was about a month ago and it's still with me -_-

So the count down has begun...to what you ask? To the day when I officially become....23...oh wait...typing numbers in caps has no effect whatsoever hahaha...hmmm how bout this then...TWENTY-THREE...or...23

Anyway I'll be 23 soon, what am I gonna do?!....I feel old...-_-

Right now feels great...this very moment as I'm writing this blog, listening to some nice music, the fan in my room slowly circulating the cool night air and the clean feeling that you get after you shower I don't feel all that stressed but still a slight restlessness :D

ALRIGHT!!! So continuing with my...FRIENDS THAT I DON'T REALLY TALK TO BUT LIFE JUST WOULDN'T BE THE SAME WITHOUT THEM SECTION!!!

I'm going to be talking about the amazing...MR. DEVIS CHU!!! and MR.TONY LO!!!!! muahahaha~ bet you didn't see that coming :P talking about TWO PEOPLE instead of one hahaha. Anyway these guys both serve on the sound desk making sure the singers and band members all sound fantastic BUT! Even though they're great at what they serve in, what I really want to talk about is their heart of worship :D

These guys are always jumping, always smiling and always praising God with the utmost that God has given them. I always see them at the sound desk, whenever we start practising for worship they just lose themselves in our practice and they both serve as a big encouragement to me :D

Replay

2009-10-13T23:16:00.003+10:00

hmm...this tension...this stretching...i'm feeling a fair amount of pressure when it comes to the future "what are you going to do?" yeah...I don't like that question hahaha, had it two years ago and now it's happening all over again -_-

Money is the issue or more specifically, how am I going to earn it.

*sigh* times like this I wish that Adam and Eve didn't sin in the garden of eden -_- life would be so different

But speaking of money, I went to bank in a bunch of my coins that I leave in a container. Urgh...my bag was so heavy -_- felt painful just to carry it with all those coins -_-

ANYWAY

So to continue with my small series...FRIENDS THAT I DON'T REALLY TALK TO BUT LIFE WOULDN'T BE THE SAME WITHOUT THEM!!!

I'm going to talk about...i'm going to talk about...-_- ah...can't really think of anybody right now...wanna go sleep.

hahaha

Raindrops

2009-10-12T23:09:00.004+10:00

Sound...

Love it :D

As a part of the worship team I love sound, to string together vibrations in the air to make a joyful noise to the Lord...awesome :)

And as i write this i'm currently listening to the sound of raindrops on the roof of my house. Such a comforting sound but yeah, so lately I've been sick, I've had a killer sore throat for the 3 weeks or so. So annoying...i can't sing properly -_-

But in the lack of voice, I've felt God teach me to worship Him without actually singing His praises. Just in simple things like bowing or kneeling in His presence and to wait patiently on Him.

ANYWAY...that's about it...but before this post is finished it's time for another installment of...FRIENDS THAT I DON'T REALLY TALK TO BUT LIFE WOULDN'T BE THE SAME WITHOUT THEM!!!!

And today i'll be discussing about the finer points of a certain MISTER JON CHIA!!!! I first met Jon in choir, and I would say that Jon has the uncanny ability hit the high falsetto vocals and still look manly in his builder outfit -_-. Jon is a great guy (married to a great woman) and is one guy whom i feel the overwhelming sense of joy and happiness from.

Even on an off day, Jon seems to be able to crack a joke that'll leave me and everyone else in tears (whether pain or joy, is a personal issue :P) But Jon Chia has a wondeful heart which shows a strong servant of God as well as a dependable all rounder male...in short he's a man's man :D

Holidays :(

2009-10-04T21:52:00.005+10:00

Goodbye cruel world -_-...I shall see you some other time, but i must answer the call that every student is obliged to answer...just as the sun rises and sets...so too...*sniff* does the holidays T_T

hahaha

Yep, it's the end of my holidays...argh...tomorrow i'll be back in the routine of going to bible college. Not that it's a bad thing...just that school is school, which is school -_-

BUT ANYWAY!!!!

Lemme use the last ounce of holiday energy that I have for the benefit of YOU!!! my wonderful reader :D I shall use this to entice, to extrapolate and entertain your minds XD

And so...without further ado I now present you a new section of my blog entry :D in commeration of good friends and seemingly unimportant events I give you...MY SUPER AMAZING FRIENDS THAT EVEN THOUGH I DON'T MIX WITH THEM MUCH I STILL DEPEND ON THEM TONNES!!!....SECTION! :)

So in this section i'll talk about all the people that even though I may not spend a lot of time with them, not knowing them and having them around just wouldn't make life the same.

And the first person that I want to talk about is someone who is currently overseas, they've got an awesome love for God and shows it through the way she talks, walks and most of all laughs :D

I am talking about the one and only....MISS VERON LEE VY!!!!!!!

Veron Lee Vy...my fun loving friend who is the seeker of love and happiness :P (at least that's what I think hahaha)

She is a person with whom I share some of my woes of life, sharing with her in indiscriminate sentences full of contortions and randomness, I talk about the various goings on and dramas of life AND I can always count on her to laugh so genuinely and with such joy :)

So...to Miss Veron :D have fun overseas! and that's the end of the first section of MY SUPER AMAZING FRIENDS THAT...ahh... you get the idea :P

holidays :D

2009-09-26T23:47:00.003+10:00

Yaaay! Another term has come and gone and now it's the time that all students live for...THE HOLIDAYS!!!

Actually i've been on my holidays for about a week and a half already but it's only now that I feel rested and relaxed.

So what's in the works? Well there are trips planned for the coast, get togethers at peoples houses, movies, etc. etc. etc. the possibilities are endless. The sun is shining (...quite hot actually -_-) not a cloud in the sky (...on most given days however we've been having a dust storm and technically a dust storm doesn't really qualify as a cloud) and most of all...FREEEEEE TIIIMEEEEE~

I love holidays :D

Eye of the storm

2009-09-07T18:16:00.002+10:00

ok i've got a temporary reprieve from all my assignments. A lot of work to do both in the form of assignments, ministry work and my personal life...ahhh~ I love Jesus :D

it's that time again

2009-08-26T09:57:00.002+10:00

So it's that time again. The time when everyone has their assignments, the time when things are due, the time when you just wish that everything would go away -_-

Unfortunately I am no exception

Lord Jesus give me strength, peace and patience.

nickname(s)

2009-08-20T17:37:00.004+10:00

hmmm so i don't really know WHEN it happened...but it seems that i've accumulated a fair few nicknames -_-

Benji - Started up by Shun Wei and Lydia -_- since my name just happens to rhyme with some weird bear character...

Benjo - Used by Simone...mainly because I think she just wants to elongate my shortened version of my name -_-

Benevolence - Given by Thelma...not really sure why -_-

Ben-be-jammin - Used by Laz Harrera...pretty nifty :D it was pretty cool when he used it, although took me a few seconds to digest what he said hahaha

Bleong - born out of convenience and for conveniences sake only -_-

"chinese man" - ok so noone in church has said this to me but once we were on a lunch to celebrate chobo rachel's birthday and this little kid peeked into the place where we were dining so I waved at him, he gave me the o_o look ran back to his parents and said "...it's a chinese man!" -_- as a side note he later saw rachel and ran back to his parents and said "...chinese girl!"

So out of all the people in the room...he only saw me and decided to call me "chinese man" -_-

-EDIT-

oh yah...i just remembered one more

Farmer Ben - Used by Olivia because she said i look like a farmer in my checkered shirt...oh well -_-

Shape

2009-08-16T20:08:00.004+10:00

So today's sermon was on how we are uniquely and specially created by our God who has a specific use and design for you.

...

hmm...thinking deeper on it I think it's sometimes easier to identify other people's characteristics much easier than your own. So here's just a few things about the people that I know because sometimes other people see you better than you do :P

My sister (Jade): My sister has a quick wit and insightful nature, able to think clearly and objectively and calmly make decisions when sometimes the environment hardly calm at all

My brother (Daniel): My brother is a hardworker, an endurer and joyful at heart, I think he'll be very good looking once he gets older (he's already got the height) definately will be quite a good man for the special lady that God has for him :D

My Father: My father is my encourager, hardworker and has focus and the will to fulfill what he believes to be correct

My Mother: My comforter, she also has a large amount of focus and willpower (different sort from my father).

Sean Wong: A close friend, very generous (sometimes too much for his own good :P), determined and responsible.

Janice Chan: Another close friend, witty and fun to pick on :P, I believe that the world she sees through her eyes is very unique...since she's able to pick up on the weirdest things :P

Julian Mok: A powerhouse, insightful and a source of counsel

David Yap: A friend that i haven't met in a long time and yet is a friend that I sometimes miss the most :) a great source of counsel, determined and wise

David Tan: (aka wally, davidoff, future brother in law) an encourager and focused person, knows how to set priorities and keep them

Eugene Kang: ...well off...what else can i say? hahaha, talented with technology and anything that has electricity running through it...he's like the stig of electronics :D but other than that he's got an insane sense of humour and is also generous

Veron Lee Vy: a woman filled with the joy of the Lord, very easy to make her laugh and when she does it sort of makes everyone else laugh too :D

June Bay: calm and collected, and sometimes wacky when there's nothing else for her to do.

Shun Wei: a tender heart...although sometimes hard to understand :P

Simone Vergis: fiery and determined, in both life and God :D

Serene Ong: determined and passionate

Weldon Roberts: Someone who is a great source of fun, very generous with his time and is genuine

Johann Huang: passionate and determined with a generous spirit and genuine smile

Elton Lee: A good actor, singer and writer, I'm believing that many great things will come through this man

Joshua Chang: A man who loves the heart of God :D

Daniel Yoo: Someone who contains a steady heart and love for God, focused and contains and just wants to keep powering on...doesn't really reply my sms's -_-

Ellie Yeo: A woman who is passionate and fiery, focused and disciplined...also doesn't really reply my sms's...much like daniel yoo -_-

Derek Moo: passionate, generous, giving and focused...what else can I say?? hahaha

Alex Ong: Not afraid to try new things, passion for hip hop and Jesus :D

Winnie Mok: servanthearted and caring...guess it comes with working with animals :D

Wing Roberts: Weldon's wife, very quiet but conscientous and caring

Minshi Cheang: A very giving and caring spirit

mmm if you can't find your name please don't be offended. These are all random and just from the top of my head.

1/3 part 1

2009-08-14T20:14:00.002+10:00

Hey everybody :D so i've noticed that a lot of blogs have been out of commission (mine included) and i thought I'd inject some enterainment into your lives :D please leave comments, they encourage me :D

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As the clock ticked steadily Steve sat on a red couch, enjoying the feeling of stillness and silence in the darkened room. Everybody else had already gone and only he remained with only his thoughts to keep him company, and as he thought his thoughts, he continued to relax on the red couch...and with the steady ticking of the clock...on the wall, he started to drift...off to sleep and as he...started to drift...off to sleep...he...he...started to...dre...am...

"...-up...-keup...WAKE UP BOY!"

Steve's consciousness "awoke" (if that's what you could say if you're in a dream) to find two eyes and a wizened old face staring back at him.

Steve was confused, he knew he was dreaming but wasn't really sure what he was dreaming of...but at the present situation he was willing to bet that it was a nightmare...after all, if it was a "good" dream he would've woken up to that drop dead gorgeous waitress that he'd seen over on 5th street...but there was still hope in his slightly perverted mi-

"Boy...you better stop thinking what you're thinking because what you're thinking aint what you're supposed to be thinkin"

Slightly annoyed that his dream was interrupting...his dream, Steve's eyes were drawn to the old man, and for very good reason because the old man had two very distinct features. The first was that he had many a pocket watch and second was that he had many a pocket to contain his great many pocket watches.

"Interesting, isn't it?" The old man asked as Steve got up

...”Interesting?”...Steve was thinking more on the line of stra-

"Hahaha not 'strange' my boy, the word that is on your heart is...'interesting'

Steve's mind wandered for a while and came to the conclusion that if his dream was a part of his subconscious, which is comprised of his thoughts, then it is only logical for his subconscious to know or reveal his inner thoughts...so he did agree that he found it more interesting than strange that the figure in front of him chose to wear such apparel.

"ahhh...well that's where you're not entirely correct, y'see if you're thinking that I’m “strange” you're saying ‘what’ I am and the real question is not "what" I am...but rather "who", and "who" I am is something that you would find interesting..."

All this time the old man had been steadily pacing back and forth, in a rhythm that Steve noticed fell into a strange 'groove' to the comforting ticking sound that surfaced from the many pocketwat-

"Besides-"

Steve's thoughts were once again interrupted as an audible "THWACK" arrested his attention on the cane that suddenly seemed to materialize in front of his face.

"-...I'm not strange, you're the one who's strange...I'm normal"

The smile that spread from the old man filled Steve with a sense of wonder...how could that old man fill Steve with a sense of comfort and yet exude such a gentle atmosphere of authority.

"hahaha~ that's because that's part of who I am hahaha~" the laughter filled the room with joy, combining with the sudden melodious chime of the many pocket watches that came from the many pockets that the old man was wearing

"ahhh...well that's quite enough of that...hmm, let me see...this is for you”

The old man rummaged around in one of his pockets and pulled out... a pocket watch (...what were you expecting?) and placed it in the palm of Steve’s hand, turning it over carefully he wondered if there was any use for such a gritty and rusty trinket, which Steve found unsurprisingly...unsurprising and Steve would have asked what this dirty little pocket watch was for but as he lifted his eyes he saw nothing but a door before him and seeing as there was nothing else better to do and he did what anybody would normally do when they’re standing in front of a door...he went through it.

tired

2009-08-05T11:48:00.004+10:00

you ever get the feeling that you've taken on a bit too much?

yeah...i feel like that right now -_-

not sure whether it's because of the timing of the season or whether it's something that's just not feasible for me. So yeah...currently I'm looking at myself and seeing where I am and what I should be doing instead of what people want me to do.

I'll let you guys know the outcome later -_-

but yeah i haven't seen that much activity in the other blogs so ya, look foward to my next one.

-EDIT-

ok so i just went into the city and had some lunch and walked back to church, turns out i just needed some food and some sun to cheer me up :P hahaha...but yeah it's good, see? exercise does work in the fight against depression :D

but yes, it still doesn't change the fact that i'm looking at my options

hmmm

2009-07-29T20:03:00.002+10:00

Need to spend some time to worship my God

Recent History :P

2009-07-11T19:36:00.004+10:00

Saturday has come and is gradually slipping into history (quite poetic don't you think? ;P hahaha). It's been a while since I last updated something of worth and so I thought I'd reflect on my holidays.

They were good while they lasted but unfortunately they're not staying -_-

Anyway, today is Ayodele and Jon's Wedding, unfortunately I couldn't be there since I've got the flu. I even lost my voice at one point and sounded like a frog for the other times. Today I'm better, not totally, but better than I was yesterday hahaha

Oh that reminds me I went to see the doctor 2 days ago (or something like that). I went in and as soon as the receptionist heard my voice she immediately asked me to put on a facemask and sit "waaaaaaaaay over in that corner away from everybody else"... -_-

I figured that it was ok and let it slide.

Anyway I waited in the room for a little bit (as you would when seeing a doctor) and then this female doctor called me in. When we were in the hallway (which is extremely close to the waiting room and amplifies all noise) she started firing questions at me like a shotgun -_-

"Whydoyouhavethatmaskon?!"

"...because i'm si-"

"WHYDOYOUHAVETHATMASKON!?"

"...be-cause-i'm-sick"

"isitswineflu?!"

"...i dunno -_-"

"ISITSWINEFLU?!"

"...i dunno -_-"

and this is all in the hallway where everybody can hear you -_-

in the end she called for a different doctor to treat me *sigh*

To all my doctor friends. Please remember your bedside manner -_- it doesn't help the person's confidence at all if you interrogate your patient in the hallway.

On the way out, the receptionist wouldn't come near me -_- I had to handsign to her to ask if I needed to sign anything -_-

A random update

2009-07-07T16:31:00.002+10:00

Hey everyone,

ok so I was busy trawling through other people's blogs and I've found that a lot of them have become inactive for a while...which is the same as mine :P

So i'm here to give all of you blog trawlers some indication that YES I am alive and YES things are happening (as much as I would like to believe >.> hahaha) So here are the updates that I have in my head at the moment in no particular order whatsoever :D

1. My sister went to Singapore!

My sister went to Singapore to accompany her fiance Mr. Tan for his brother's wedding

2. My sister came back from Singapore!

My sister came back yesterday :P she didn't reply my sms to her...oh well -_-

3. God is doing amazing things in my church :D

Recently the worship aspect of church has really taken on a new dimension. There's a greater freedom to express as well as show and from this there are people in the congregation who experiencing the touch of God.

4. Many people are getting married...

...This month -_- there are a total of 3 weddings (that i know of) which are back to back for consecutive Saturday's in this month -_-...let the marathon begin

Personally I'm doing alright, besides the usual issue of "where am I going"...(figuratively), there's nothing much...righto that's about it

FREEEEEEEEDOM!!!!!!!

2009-06-18T17:35:00.004+10:00

ahhhh...at last...my final assignment is done :) I can now rest easier at night knowing that I don't have anything due in the next morning.

So now that all the important stuff is done my head feels clearer and I have the urge to have fun :D Fun is biblical y'know ;) God commanded the Israelite nation to have sabbath days of rest ("YOU WILL HAVE REST") and feast days to remember and celebrate ("YOU WILL HAVE FUN").

But yes, I am satisfied :D I am at peace (for the most part :P) and I plan to rest up properly over the coming weeks.

HOORAY FOR CELEBRATIONS!
HOORAY FOR SLEEP!
HOORAY FOR THE COMMANDS OF GOD! XD

perservering

2009-06-16T21:59:00.002+10:00

Sometimes it just doesn't feel worth it...it's these times you've got to push past through your barriers.

Just got to hang in there, freedom is just around the corner.

Patience and Waiting

2009-06-15T18:32:00.003+10:00

waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting....ahhh~ I need to be patient instead of wait -_-

What do I need to be patient about? amongst various things I need to be patient with the outcome of my prayers. I am seeking God on the direction I need to take when I finish Bible College, I need to go through the process of patience and hold off when most time I want the answer now.

How much easier would it be if God gave me the answer straight away -_- sometimes I feel like it would be better but then I know that my God is not slow like others understand Him to be, that He is patient with me

ahh...patience -_-

mmmm

2009-06-10T16:26:00.002+10:00

In between the working of assignments

Need to take a small break.

I've been busy doing assignments, working, church etc.

Really need to take a break for a while, good thing holidays are coming up soon, it's week 8 for me and next week will be the final week of this term yaaaay

so just gotta endure for a little while more

...oh...and my sister is engaged to mr. David Tan a.k.a Wally...just thought you'd like to know :P

Procrastination...again

2009-06-02T19:16:00.001+10:00

*sigh* procrastination is the bane of my existence...right now I'm willing myself to do my work -_-

Ben - "Trust & Obey"

2009-06-01T18:03:00.003+10:00

My God is with me!! :D

Just a little something

2009-05-13T18:03:00.021+10:00

Woo~ so I did my sermon today for chapel. Went quite well, got good responses from it so yah. I wanted to post it up for you guys to see, so here it is. Its been modified to suit blog readers :D

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How many of you agree that our God is loving and caring?

Now how many of your friends turned their backs on you when you said that there's a loving caring God?

Y'know, Sometimes, the world doesn't make sense. If you take the time out to see you'll find that the world isn't fair.

Why is it that on one side of the globe there is too much rain and on the other there's too little?

Why is it that in some areas the ground shakes and buildings collapse whilst on others the wind blows and bring down buildings.

On one hand you've got people desperately wanting to have children and on the other you've got abortion, infanticide, child abuse and murder

So sometimes I guess as Christians we shouldn't be surprised when we say “there's a loving, caring God out there” and people turn their backs on us and say “if there's a loving, caring God, then why is there so much suffering!? wouldn't your God have done something by now!?”

I remember when I first started to witness to my friends they turned around and said those exact same words to me...and I had to stop and think. As a person who had just re-found their love for Christ and was convinced that He was my God and that He was in control of everything I stopped and wondered to myself...why? Why is it like that? My God cannot be wrong, my God does love and care, my God is real...but...why?

Why is there so much pain. Why is there so much hardship. If God is in control then why does He allow atrocities to happen?

As Christians we know why we go through hardship. Pastor David preached on it before when he was talking about “wilderness”. One of his main points was that the purpose of every test is:

To reveal what we understand
To reveal what we don't understand
To reveal to us the applicability of the lesson

…

“But Ben, if your God has to kill all those children, to send all those earthquakes just for us to say “we love you”...that God doesn't even deserve to be worshiped”.

…

When I was younger I didn't know how to answer these questions. I could give them any amount of biblical knowledge but any progress I made eventually came up against this brick wall, this problem of hurt, of unfairness...of suffering.

And here is the key word, suffering. Out of all instances, out of everything that is said it is a problem of suffering.

Death = Suffering
Drought = Suffering
Disease = Suffering
Disasters = Suffering

Now i'd like to introduce you to a very special man, a man called Job. Alright so for those that are unfamiliar with the story. Job is this awesome man living in the land of Uz. Now there's a few things we know about Job

1. he's wealthy because he's got a whole bunch of sheep
2. he's wealthy because he's got a whole bunch of camels
3. he's wealthy because he's got a whole bunch of oxen

And a whole bunch of servants, basically he's just really well off, in today's terms he'd be like in Time magazine's Top 10 richest people I guess.

Some other things we know is that his family was quite problem free because his 7 sons used to take turns holding feasts and we know that above all else he's an upright man that pleased the Lord because he, not only sacrificed in case his children sinned but God himself says in verse 8 that Job is 'righteous'

WOW, this guy is not only held in high regard with those on the earth but God Himself says “there's no one on earth like him”...that's big, for the Holy Lord, to say, that he's a fairly good guy.

Now some may interpret this small scene as a man getting blessed by God because he's doing what God wants him to do, God boasting about his servant and basically inciting a bet, where God sits back and just lets Job have it. We see this poor guy lose his livestock, lose his servants, lose his kids and basically become an outcast of society...all in the one day, and sometimes we think we have it tough.

So what's the whole point of it? What's the reason? Is this man just a rag doll to be thrown about by God and the devil just so that God can prove His point?

...

This is the same God that reveals himself as Jehovah Jireh the one who provides, Jehovah Shalom our peace, the one who says that we are more precious than hundreds of sparrows and who makes time for us. Our God says in Jeremeiah 29:11 that He has plans to prosper us...does our God have a split personality?

God promises to prosper us. What good, what purpose, what plan is there possibly for this man?

…

The answer to that question, to every hurt to every ounce of pain. Is found in the same book.

God...Shows...Up. God APPEARS. God REVEALS HIMSELF

...and it satisfies Job, it has to, because it's the only thing that's going to satisfy us when we're in heaven.

Imagine this, you're in Job's position, everything has been taken away and suddenly you see storm clouds, you see them rushing up towards you faster and faster and all of a sudden, as the clouds envelop the sky God says “WHO IS THIS THIS THAT DARKENS MY COUNSEL WITH WORDS WITHOUT KNOWLEDGE? BRACE YOURSELF LIKE A MAN; I WILL QUESTION YOU, AND YOU SHALL ANSWER ME. WHERE WERE YOU WHEN I LAID THE EARTH'S FOUNDATION? TELL ME IF YOU UNDERSTAND. WHO MARKED OFF IT'S DIMENSIONS? SURELY YOU KNOW!”

all of these questions all of these things come out of the mouth of God and we can only share our answer with Job...uhh I dunno, I'm sorry, I dunno, I'm not worthy, God forgive me. In revelation we read about the four living creatures just saying “holy holy holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was and is and is to come” and they just repeat it over and over and over again.

Notice that God did not give Job a theological answer, he didn't give him 101 reasons why we suffer, God...showed...up. God was with Job and in the same way God is with us.

Pain and Suffering is a personal issue and it deserves a personal response.

When we were still separated, unworthy and unacceptable to come freely into the presence of the Lord Almighty. The Lord Almighty came to us, becoming unworthy and unacceptable He took on all of our sins so that He could be with us, so that we could be with Him.

Sometimes the best answer to the question "why is there so much suffering?" is not a theological answer, it's the act of being there, to say "i'm here for you", to give them the gift of touch, to let them know that in their dark hour, they're not alone.

And that everything will be ok

Definition

2009-05-06T16:49:00.012+10:00

Ben⋅ja⋅min [ben-juh-muhn]
–noun

"Son of my right hand". Hebrew meaning of name.
Leong, 1986-present day.
The eldest son of Lawrence and Claire, brother to Jade and Daniel.
Also called Ben, shortened acceptable version of Benjamin
Also called Benji, shortned UNacceptable version of Benjamin

-verb (what Ben does)

Studies API
Works Part Time
Is involved in Creative Arts Ministry
Cell Pastor

also see., -_-

tired

2009-04-23T16:49:00.002+10:00

Journaling

can't remember the exact scripture but the basic gist of what I'm supposed to do is.

Submit what I really love to God

...Still don't know what that is

My Wilderness

2009-04-20T09:46:00.011+10:00

Ps. David was preaching about this yesterday, basically a place of wilderness is where God teaches you and moulds you. Yes it can be a time of sufferring and hardship, however our God is a good God and develops our character so that we can serve Him effectively.

Wilderness = a place of insufficient resources, pressures, oppositions and difficulties.

This description fits quite well with another place that I have a close attatchment to, 1 word.

SCHOOL

Insufficient resources - More often than not we find that we just don't have enough time..."where did it all go?" We wonder as we stress and slave away late into the night doing our assignments...*sigh*

Pressures - How many times have we talked to our friends about how much work we've got? Sometimes we discuss with extreme fervor (argue) with each other about how hard it is for "me".

Oppositions - This comes in the form of assignments. We fight against our assignments carefully researching all the necessary things in order to defeat (complete) them.

Difficulties - Picture this, you've just settled down, you're in the rare mood to study and to learn when all of a sudden a phone call, somebody has had a crisis, and now you're in deep counselling mode, hours pass and gradually night turns into day. The result? No study and no rest. Not that i'm saying that this is a bad thing, this is obviously an exaggeration however you get my point ya?

The End.

I like...

2009-04-14T17:44:00.006+10:00

A few random things that i like (hahaha did you think i was confessing my love about someone? hahaha):

1) I like to sleep on public transport, as long as i've got the seats to myself :D

2) I like the sound of rain as it falls on the roof when you're going to sleep on a cold night

3) I like the feeling you get when you've completed a piece of work and you know you've done it well

4) I like to have really hot showers on really cold days :D

5) When i'm tired and feeling lazy by myself I like to hear the sound of an analog clock just ticking away

6) I like the smell of arrowroot biscuits when it's being made by the arnotts factory near my house

7) I like it when I bump into friends when I'm out.

8) I like it when I get a book that I really want to read and just spend the whole day reading it.

Worship

2009-04-08T18:22:00.006+10:00

I am a worship leader.

Or~ to be more specific I'm a worship leader in training. Being inside the worship ministry I really have learnt a lot. I've learnt that worship takes place at all times, that there are specific words for it in the bible, one describing the act of singing out and praising God, which we would identify with more as worship however there is also the servant/attitude aspect of worship, that when we carry out menial tasks in a God centered state of mind we are in fact worshipping Him, even though we may not be doing something for God.

But this isn't really what I wanted to talk about.

Last night someone asked me, "Can you give me any tips for singing?"

I found myself telling this person something that looked like it really caught him off guard.

"How much do you pray? How much time do you spend with God? What quality are these at?"

Yes there are all the technical aspects, yes talent and gifting in singing is good but for us as Christians, what makes us better worshippers?

Our relationship with God.

We must be prepared to prepare ourselves to get into line with what God wants and where He wants to take the congregation and us.

If we approach worship with the right attitude, then everything else will fall into place after it, afterall, what good is all the technical training if you can't hear God? What good is it having a golden voice if you can't let God flow through it?